Matt's Message 7/8 Feb: Religion is About Your Clothes

If you are reading this blog and wondering aloud "what the heck does that mean?" then you are probably not healthy mentally for wondering aloud and you are most likely me, because I am the only one who reads this crap. I've heard lots of stuff at The Village over the last few years, some of it controversial, some of it deep and difficult to digest, some of it even mildly offensive. But one thing is consistent about the message at The Village: it is always delivered using a microphone. And Saturday/Sunday's message was no different, although Matt looked a little out of sorts, perhaps it was because he died his hair and cut it short. He wore sandals also, which was a little odd though very Jesus-like.

And then he unleashed this gem: "If you want to get to heaven then you have to love people which can only be accomplished by putting on the proper pants." At least I think that's what he said, I usually don't pay very close attention until I see people nodding, thus indicating something righteous people agree with is being said. However, I personally have no clue what he meant by that, but he went on to say that putting on the improper shirt will render him very un-Jesus-like. Even putting aside the questions about where the heck Matt buys his clothes or who buys them for him or why he actually owns a shirt that makes him un-Jesus-like, I have a problem with this image. "Pants" is an odd word, like "trousers" or breeches, or britches, or chinos, or cords, or pantaloons, or rompers. These terms all connote different images and when I think of "pants" I can't help but think of the childrens board game "Ants in the Pants" which consists of a pair of blue plastic pants and pink plastic suspenders and multicolored plastic "ants" that you flip into the pants tiddley-winks style to "win the game", and I cannot for the life of me make the connection between this image and the New Testament. So envisioning Matt wearing "pants" in order to convey the gospel thereby propelling him heavenward is disturbing of not downright unstable. And shortly after that comment, people quit nodding and I lost interest in the rest of the sermon where he may have provided an explanation or a scriptural basis for holding such a goofy opinion. Although I can't immediately call to mind a Biblical reference to Jesus' wardrobe as containing pants, Noah may have brought a pair of pants onto the Ark, and I have a vague recollection of Matt more than once talking about a deer and pants. But the image of a deer wearing pants to convey the gospel causes even my whimsically eccentric imagination to throw on the ABS.

I usually go along with The Village, like signing the covenant agreement which oddly was sent separately to my wife and I (note to the church: we are married and live in the same house), and paying the monthly club membership dues which churchly people call a "tithe", but the direction Matt seemed to be taking in this weekend's sermon borders on the bizarre and I will need to think long and hard about this particular message and what sort of department store carries appropriate pantware. Not to mention I don't currently own an actual pair of blue plastic pants or suspenders of any color or material.