Matt's Message 21/22 Feb: Hot Talk

I usually try to sit on the back row of the sanctuary in the seats between the pillars. I used to sit on the front row because I was so easily distracted that I needed to have Matt or Video Matt right there in my face so I'd be reluctant to doodle, or daydream or stab at my son with a paper knife made from the church bulletin. Truth is, I am still easily distracted even while sitting on the front row, which [sitting on the front row] has the added disadvantage of being the slowest, most aggravatingly difficult place to exit the sanctuary from, or "from which to exit the sanctuary." Not that exiting the sanctuary is the foremost thing on my mind during the sermon. It is the foremost thing on my mind as we are driving into the parking lot . . . and then I get distracted.

Sunday, during Matt's sermon about God or Jesus or Sin -- Ok, well, I think we can safely assume it had something to do with the Gospel, or the Greatspel, as those of us "in the inner circle" refer to it -- I realized (by which I mean my wife kept punching me and telling me) that the area at the back of the church is hotter than any other area of the church I've sat in with one notable exception being the "Yellow Room (12-18 months)". Maybe it's because in the center back row we are sitting right underneath the $4.5 trillion high definition projector purchased by the church because of Matt's inability to drink enough coffee to make it through 27 sermons each weekend.

Or it could be that's where Satan sits, which makes sense because his presence seems to effect that area in the form of a total and complete lack of interest in worship or films or baptisms or announcements or the sermon, evidenced by the nonstop murmuring and whispering and muttering and chattering and sussuration (not my word, "google's" idiot response to "synonym murmur"), all of which would prevent the most focused person in the universe from listening to Matt even if his life depended on it which, ironcially, it does. And for the 3 people who've read earlier posts on this blog and who posses more than 8 functioning brain cells you are now asking "aren't you deaf? How can you hear murmuring or muttering?" That's my point. I figure that a person at the back of the church could be playing a snare drum while shaking a coffee can full of nuts and bolts and yodeling and would still be drowned out by the noise on the back few rows, which includes Servant/Greeter A asking Servant/Greeter B in a voice typically reserved for speaking to someone 75 yards away during a Metallica concert: "Are there any seats left near the front? Sure is hot and crowded today here at the back of the sanctuary where we are shouting to be heard over the murmuring and muttering and the person who is yodeling and drumming and shaking a can containing bolts and nuts!". There seems to be a total disregard for 1) Song 1 of the Worship Service, 2) Announcements, 3) subsequent songs of the Worship Service and 4) The Main Event.

So let's talk about announcements for a minute since I have completely lost the thought that carried me tragically through the last couple of paragraphs. So, what's the point of the church bulletin if some yahoo interrupts the Worship Service to read what's already been handed to me at the door when I entered the sanctuary? And why can't there be more white space on the church bulletin for . . . taking notes on Matt's sermon? And why are we giving away bulletins to non-members? Shouldn't they share one with a member, thus fostering fellowship? Or would that be seen as contributing to the "hooking up" atmosphere which is essentially what The Village Church is all about for 18-25 year olds?

I have no clue. Most of the time I don't have any idea what anyone is talking about. However, I know exactly what Cheryl Crow means when she says:

"I'm just wondering why I feel so all alone,
Why I'm a stranger in my own life."

Every day is a winding road.

Edie Brickell, who clearly has attended a lot of Philosophy classes but has never visited the Village Church has this to say:

"Philosophy is a walk on a slippery rock.
Religion is a smile on a dog."

Appropriately she goes on to say:

"I'm not aware of too many things,
I know what I know if you know what I mean."

No, Edie. I have no freaking clue what you mean. But before you think I only listen to Pagan / Non-Christian music on my iPod, you should know that I also listen to that most famous of Christian bands, Jefferson Airplane and noted Christian Evangelist Grace Slick where she sings:

"When the truth is found to be lies,
And all the joy within you dies.
Don't you want somebody to love,
Don't you need somebody to love,
Wouldn't you love somebody to love?
You'd better find somebody to love."

Isn't this clearly a revival call?