Flower Mound Expansion Update

The troublesome parking situation at the Village has prompted elders and staff to try and do "something" to hasten the construction efforts at the Albertsons location. Thus far "something" is manifest as increased pacing, frowning, hand wringing and of course very intense prayer in case someone is observing. Local residents near the Highland village campus have expressed their concern about the continuing problem of late arrivers parking wherever they want to park, ignoring warnings from Matt and the HV Police. In a recent confrontation with a local resident, "concern" was expressed with verve and a hammer.

Little Village Volunteers Offer Suggestions: Volunteers from the Little Village gathered at a local Highland Village establishment to discuss making the "child care" experience more enjoyable for all, particularly the transition to the new facility planned for August 2043, at which time the total population of The Village Church is estimted to be 40 million hillion dillion skillion. Those volunteers unable to attend because of injury, parole violations, house arrest or the recent warrant sweep by the Dallas County Sheriff's Department and the local FBI office will be notified through legal counsel. Before being thrown out, the conscious members of the group developed the following list of ideas which would have been presented formally to the elders except nobody thought to bring a pen or paper to write things down with.

From memory:

• All rooms should be equipped either with televisions or safer changing tables, I don't remember.
• Something else I don't really remember, but it was disturbing.
  
• Each room should have a wall mounted dial with settings ranging from "mild" to "just shy of lethal" connecting a series of large, high voltage batteries to wires which would run along the floor to the sanctuary where they would fasten to Matt's ankle so that a negatively affected volunteer could send a flow of DC current, the strength of which would be determined by the amount of anxiety felt by the volunteer or the volume of crying in the room, to thereby "indicate" to Matt that he should talk faster (as if that's possible) or simply cease talking, say a quick prayer and dismiss everyone.

Dogs Now Welcome at the Sunday 5 and 7pm Service: After a great deal of deliberation and a fist fight, my wife and I determined that dogs will be welcome in the sanctuary during the 5 and 7pm Sunday services. In keeping with the tradition of Sunday evening at The Village the dog or dogs will be required to have either a tatoo or a body piercing or proof of unemployment. Please make sure your dog or dogs has or have relieved itself or themselves before entering the sanctuary and feel free to use the yard of a local resident. Don't worry about cleaning it up.