Spring 2009: It's Over For Now
I've always felt like I wanted to say something, and I've pretty much always wanted an audience. I still feel like I have something to say, but that feeling has become totally decoupled from wanting to be heard. Perhaps that's because I no longer feel so arrogant, that what I have to say is worthy of being heard. Or perhaps it's humility, a realization that what I think is important or funny isn't really very important or funny, or even if it is . . . so what?
I don't have the determination or drive to "write" full time or for a living, and inspiration is elusive and unpredictable at best, non-existent at worst. Up to now my life revolved around gaining favor, impressing people, seeking approval and generally elevating myself wherever possible by whatever means possible.
I have attended the Village Church for almost 5 years and my life and my heart have changed. Ok, so maybe I think I've changed, but I have proven more than once that I am a poor judge. of the heart. In any event, I have met at least 20 people for whom I have great respect and who will always have a place in my heart and prayers. Yet I never hear from any of them. Well, that's not completely accurate. Lee, I love you, buddy. The others . . . a smile in the foyer, a nod coming in the door, a handshake and sometimes a hug and a few kind if not well worn, rehearsed words. But I am a stranger at the Village, or at least I feel that way. I used to call most of these people at least once or twice a month. But then I began to feel foolish. How long do you call someone after you realize that they've never called you? I understand this sounds maudlin and smacks of someone feeling sorry for themselves. That's truly not the way I mean it. It's just amazing to me given what's preached at the Village measured against what's practiced here on earth.
AA and NA have taught me that whenever I find something to complain about or something wrong with relationships with others, I need to look inside because the "problem" almost always lies with me. AA and NA mean a lot to me, and I've recently heard that both groups have fallen into disfavor at Recovery at the Village . It's sad to think that organizations whose sole purpose is to help others recover from chemical addiction are not embraced unconditionally by the church regardless of their method. I guess it must have something to do with the "Higher Power" concept and the lack of mention of "sin" in the 12 Step program. Imagine not getting to heaven because of the semantic minefield which is the English Language misused and misunderstood.
This note is not to you. It is to me, in an odd metaphysical sense. And it is written in blog form because it closes a chapter which began with a sarcastic question from someone at the church. A question which I answered with a great deal of sarcasm and cynicism over the past few weeks.
Truth known, I suspect that many of my spiritual beliefs would be regarded as heretical if not outright antithetical to certain teachings at the Village. I'm told that it's safe to be broken there, and that's true. I certainly feel safe. As my NA sponsor once told me "don't put your faith in people, they'll only let you down." He's right of course, which is why we need to put our faith in Christ. Not in the Village Church or Recovery at the Village or Small Group or Parking Service.
Dang it, I'm late for an AA meeting, and I can't pay my bills and the Stars likely won't make the playoffs.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Matt's Message 7/8 March: Time to Give Up, The Decline and Fall of the Village Church
I suppose it had to happen, I just didn't think it would happen this way. Two weeks ago we were informed that our salvation is somehow related to our sartorial sense or lack thereof, that we needed the "proper pants" to get to heaven and the "improper shirt" would likely get us a punch in the eye. The following week it was revealed that the church funded a trip seemingly only to record the taking of a baboon's life and give the pastor a chance to use a satellite phone, which followed a sort of "David Janssen as The Fugitive" itinerary through East Africa. And finally, this week comes the confession that the "experiement" isn't working: "We are only 'right' about two weeks out of the year" Matt confessed, indicating that our understanding of salvation swings like a pendulum from Total Legalist Moron to Completely Morally Unencumbered Buffoon, passing ever so briefly through "Gets It", and for all the good it does us for the other 50 weeks of the year we should be sleeping in on Sunday morning.
Ok, so whose fault is it that our salvation is taken so casually that we should as a congregation all end up hurtling headlong to hell in a handcart? Could it possibly be that sending Josh to Africa to observe the passing of a baboon and live out his "Jack Bauer Fantasy" might not lead inexorably to the salvation of the flock? Is it possible that the kind of pants I wear may have little or no bearing on a relationship with my Savior? Might it be possible that simply watching the pendulum swing isn't the best possible use of Matt's time? Is there not a certain irony revealed when contemplating a) Matt's "mailing it in" quality sermons over the last several months along with b) the image of a Warner Brothers Cartoon methaphor for hypnosis -- a swinging pendulum? Is it just possible that Buffalo may get one good year out of Terrell Owens? Is it entirely likely that I have tried to get too much milage out of a few "out of context" remarks and that I should go back to actually listening to the sermons and thus save my soul?
These and many other questions deserve answers. Ok, well maybe they don't. But let's get those new elders in there as fast as we can and try and corral this Wild West Show / Barnum and Baily Circus called the Village Church Staff and herd them back into their cages. Afterall, I don't remember any of the elder candidates talking about pendulums or pants or baboons. Maybe some measure of sanity still exists in Highland Village. Though I seriously doubt it. To wit: I am a covenant member.
I suppose it had to happen, I just didn't think it would happen this way. Two weeks ago we were informed that our salvation is somehow related to our sartorial sense or lack thereof, that we needed the "proper pants" to get to heaven and the "improper shirt" would likely get us a punch in the eye. The following week it was revealed that the church funded a trip seemingly only to record the taking of a baboon's life and give the pastor a chance to use a satellite phone, which followed a sort of "David Janssen as The Fugitive" itinerary through East Africa. And finally, this week comes the confession that the "experiement" isn't working: "We are only 'right' about two weeks out of the year" Matt confessed, indicating that our understanding of salvation swings like a pendulum from Total Legalist Moron to Completely Morally Unencumbered Buffoon, passing ever so briefly through "Gets It", and for all the good it does us for the other 50 weeks of the year we should be sleeping in on Sunday morning.
Ok, so whose fault is it that our salvation is taken so casually that we should as a congregation all end up hurtling headlong to hell in a handcart? Could it possibly be that sending Josh to Africa to observe the passing of a baboon and live out his "Jack Bauer Fantasy" might not lead inexorably to the salvation of the flock? Is it possible that the kind of pants I wear may have little or no bearing on a relationship with my Savior? Might it be possible that simply watching the pendulum swing isn't the best possible use of Matt's time? Is there not a certain irony revealed when contemplating a) Matt's "mailing it in" quality sermons over the last several months along with b) the image of a Warner Brothers Cartoon methaphor for hypnosis -- a swinging pendulum? Is it just possible that Buffalo may get one good year out of Terrell Owens? Is it entirely likely that I have tried to get too much milage out of a few "out of context" remarks and that I should go back to actually listening to the sermons and thus save my soul?
These and many other questions deserve answers. Ok, well maybe they don't. But let's get those new elders in there as fast as we can and try and corral this Wild West Show / Barnum and Baily Circus called the Village Church Staff and herd them back into their cages. Afterall, I don't remember any of the elder candidates talking about pendulums or pants or baboons. Maybe some measure of sanity still exists in Highland Village. Though I seriously doubt it. To wit: I am a covenant member.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Matt's Message 28 Feb / 1 Mar: Holy Cow!
Fyodor Dostoyevsky's novel "The Brothers Karamazov" drones on and on for roughly 412,000 pages to ask a simple though weighty question: "Is there a God?" Why it takes Fyodor 412,000 pages to get to a point is way beyond me, and why he didn't just come right out and ask the question and save two years of his life and 411,999 pages or the equivalent of 40 hillion dillion trees escapes me as well. I guess there wasn't much to do in Russia at the time.
Fyodor could have taken lessons from Matt who Sunday, thankfully, presented himself in the form of Josh Patterson. Now if Josh Patterson would have written "The Brothers Karamozov" it would have gone something like this (special thanks to Dave Barry):
Chapter 1:
"Let's kill our father" said Fyodor to Dimitri, Ivan and Alexei.
"Ok" they replied more or less collectively.
Chapter 2:
Is there a God?
Chapter 3:
Sure beats the heck out of me.
Chapter 4:
Fyodor spears a baboon.
The end.
This would have saved thousands and thousands of college students from spending countless hours in college libraries around the world trying to find a short synopsis of Fyodor's 2-year effort. I kept finding stuff like this: "Father killed, brothers share varying amounts of culpability, asks question "Is there a God?", effectively responds "don't really know. Whatever."
So Josh went to Africa following an itinerary that sounds as if he was on the run from Interpol, and frets about where he's going to spend the night each night. Then he comes home and:
* Turns the lights off and on a bunch of times
* Takes a 45 minute shower
* Eats some Mexican food
And then he asks the question: "Is Christ sufficient?" And I'm not really sure but I think he said something like "sure beats the heck out of me" but his answer was a little complicated and the two people in front of me kept texting and because my vision is not very good I had to concentrate pretty hard on trying to see what they were so intently texting about. I suspect that they were members of some competing or opposing church and they were texting Matt/Josh's sermon verbatim back to some high tech control room where it was being carefully dissected and then rebroadcast to some other universe where they have not discovered "pod cast".
In any event, I think a little closer scrutiny by the elders of the old Village Church Travel and Boondoggle Expense Fund might be in order because I think if my current or previous employers sent me to Africa and I reported that I'd spent 17 days constantly on the move, spearing baboons and yakking on a satellite phone to my wife while watching naked Africans I would have been fired. I certainly could have come back with something a little more profound or entertaining to report than:
* Watched naked Africans in a river
* Observed baboon being speared
* Talked on satellite phone to my wife
* Asked question "Is Christ sufficient?"
However, we will never know. I am guessing that Matt Josh's failure to determine whether or not Christ is sufficient portends another 17-day trip to Africa, at least. I suppose that's Ok, at least until the answer to that question leads him to Western Europe or the Summer Olympics or the Caribbean or Bora Bora. I vote we save the money and all agree that Christ is sufficient. Or as we say in recovery "Fake it 'til you make it."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky's novel "The Brothers Karamazov" drones on and on for roughly 412,000 pages to ask a simple though weighty question: "Is there a God?" Why it takes Fyodor 412,000 pages to get to a point is way beyond me, and why he didn't just come right out and ask the question and save two years of his life and 411,999 pages or the equivalent of 40 hillion dillion trees escapes me as well. I guess there wasn't much to do in Russia at the time.
Fyodor could have taken lessons from Matt who Sunday, thankfully, presented himself in the form of Josh Patterson. Now if Josh Patterson would have written "The Brothers Karamozov" it would have gone something like this (special thanks to Dave Barry):
Chapter 1:
"Let's kill our father" said Fyodor to Dimitri, Ivan and Alexei.
"Ok" they replied more or less collectively.
Chapter 2:
Is there a God?
Chapter 3:
Sure beats the heck out of me.
Chapter 4:
Fyodor spears a baboon.
The end.
This would have saved thousands and thousands of college students from spending countless hours in college libraries around the world trying to find a short synopsis of Fyodor's 2-year effort. I kept finding stuff like this: "Father killed, brothers share varying amounts of culpability, asks question "Is there a God?", effectively responds "don't really know. Whatever."
So Josh went to Africa following an itinerary that sounds as if he was on the run from Interpol, and frets about where he's going to spend the night each night. Then he comes home and:
* Turns the lights off and on a bunch of times
* Takes a 45 minute shower
* Eats some Mexican food
And then he asks the question: "Is Christ sufficient?" And I'm not really sure but I think he said something like "sure beats the heck out of me" but his answer was a little complicated and the two people in front of me kept texting and because my vision is not very good I had to concentrate pretty hard on trying to see what they were so intently texting about. I suspect that they were members of some competing or opposing church and they were texting Matt/Josh's sermon verbatim back to some high tech control room where it was being carefully dissected and then rebroadcast to some other universe where they have not discovered "pod cast".
In any event, I think a little closer scrutiny by the elders of the old Village Church Travel and Boondoggle Expense Fund might be in order because I think if my current or previous employers sent me to Africa and I reported that I'd spent 17 days constantly on the move, spearing baboons and yakking on a satellite phone to my wife while watching naked Africans I would have been fired. I certainly could have come back with something a little more profound or entertaining to report than:
* Watched naked Africans in a river
* Observed baboon being speared
* Talked on satellite phone to my wife
* Asked question "Is Christ sufficient?"
However, we will never know. I am guessing that Matt Josh's failure to determine whether or not Christ is sufficient portends another 17-day trip to Africa, at least. I suppose that's Ok, at least until the answer to that question leads him to Western Europe or the Summer Olympics or the Caribbean or Bora Bora. I vote we save the money and all agree that Christ is sufficient. Or as we say in recovery "Fake it 'til you make it."
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