Village Church Condemns People Who Lisp!

In a sweeping statement about disability and the ability to be Christ-like, the Village Church made clear this past weekend their stance on at least one aspect of a Christ-like characteristic. "He doesn't speak with a lisp" or "have product" in his hair. Hey, wait. The

Village Church Condems People Who Use "Product"!

In a sweeping statement of arrogant intolerance and the ability to be Christ-like, the Village Church made clear their stance on yet another aspect of a Christ-like characteristic. "He sure darn* doesn't use 'product' in his hair". (* emphasis added by author.)

This and other shameless attempts to appeal to "today's youth" made up primarily of thugs and gang members sprang forth in a Starbuck's-fueled torrent on an innocent and unsuspecting crowd over the weekend at two campuses or campii. "Jesus wasn't effeminate. That's for dang* sure" ranted Matt Chandler to a congregation largely attentive in proportion to the volume of Matt's audio delivery. Holy Cow! (* emphasis added by author.)


Village Church Condemns People Who Are Effeminate!

It's getting to the point where this author simply cannot keep up with those entities which the Village Church staff so frequently choose to condemn. I would suggest that if you are interested in getting concise list of those things that the Village Church looks upon distastefully, you should contact your congressperson or senator, because that's the only way the Village Church will release any information whatsoever because you are too lowly and too pond-scum-like and as such you are not to be trusted with sensitive information.

Village Church Promotes Vigilante Violence!

In yet another confusing message from the pulpit, we are told as a congregation to "kick gluteous maximus and take names" when it comes to righting those things that are wrong. For example, Matt, this weekend, (or it could be easily construed to allege that he said this) essentially commanded us "to take the law into our own hands as violently as possible with the caveat that we are certain that the ultimate authority is God. If we (meaning you) are uncertain about this, then we (you) shouldn't do it. If on the other hand the voice you hear is telling you to commit vigilante violence, then by all means you should go right ahead and do it . . . for example, you should confront people who park in "handicap parking only" parking spaces who clearly -- in your view -- have no handicap and tear off their arm and beat them with it for a period of time." ( I am pretty sure this is a direct quote, although possibly it is not, and in reality bears virtually no resemblance to any remark ever made by any living entity at any time on any planet.)


Continued Chandler "Jesus ran some people out of the temple and apparently . . . (pause to build tension) . . . there was no resistance", Chandler emphasized, implying to me that Jesus looked a whole lot like that gigantic person who played Xerces in "300" which is without doubt a far more intimidating picture of Jesus than I am accustomed to seeing wherein he is back-lit and horsing around with butterflies and children in spring meadow. Now, if he's 9 feet tall with gargantuan King-Kong muscles and a nose ring and chains hung all over his face with spikes, then there is very good observational evidence to support the theory that he will effortlessly beat the snot out of you if you cross him.

All in all a very confusing and disturbing week end at the Village.